Remember Mom That I Love You

holding-hands

I look at my mother as she lay sleeping on the couch,

Too tired to move the seven feet difference from there to her room,

The steady rise and fall of her chest the only indication that she was still in the land of the living,

Something stirred within me,

Agony?

Pain?

A crushing blow of reality?

I need to focus,

It demands attention, that feeling.

The room is quiet as I turn off the television,

And stare,

I ran my eyes over her delicate frame,

And found myself assessing the woman that lay before me,

Her once slender body was now rounded in places that would

Make a model frown,

But she didn’t care,

And neither did I,

For that body was what carried me for nine months,

Her hair was matted against her cheek,

Loose tendril covering her pretty face,

And I wondered for a moment if she ever pulled my hair back the way I just  pulled hers,

Of course she did,

I stared at her closed eyes and silently wept,

Inside I dread the day when those eyes would never see again,

When no speech can be uttered,

When that nostril wouldn’t be enough to help her breathe,

When she wouldn’t remember her name,

When she wouldn’t remember me,

I wiped that lone tear on my cheek,

And touched hers,

Willing my mind to engrave her face on my heart,

I wanted my fingers to remember the feel of her skin,

For each second that passed was a second shorter from her life and mine,

How much time do we have left?

Days?

Hours?

Minutes?

Seconds?

I took her hands in mine as she slept,

What once was soft was now rough,

I traced the patterns with my fingers,

Touched every scar, Kissed every bruise,

I squeezed the hands that once comforted me,

And pressed it against my lips,

And at twenty two I desired to curl into her lap

And wrap my arms around her,

To rest my head on her chest,

And listen to her words of wisdom,

To press quick short kisses on her cheeks,

And remind her how much I love her,

Despite our ups and downs,

That wonderful lady will always be my mother,

And I don’t ever want to lose her,

But one day one of us will go,

And I accept that,

But I refuse to leave without letting her know,

That she’s beautiful,

And wonderful,

And special,

And that I’m so proud of her,

And I Love her,

With tears rolling down my cheeks,

I wake her,

And as I wrap my arms around her she smiles,

I listen to the steady beating of her heart and whisper,

I love you Mom, Always have and Always will,

I’m sorry for hurting you but know that I love you.

With tears rolling down the cheeks of the both of us I sighed,

In contentment.

Thinking once again.

I love you mom if you don’t remember anything else,

Remember that I love you.

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